Motherhood, Pregnancy

Baby #2 – Surprise?!

This post is a long time coming…and a little long-winded, so bear with me friends. I mean, this is totally what happens when you “re-launch” a blog and don’t get a chance to post again for a while. Lindsey and I are working to get ourselves on a posting schedule so we don’t leave you all hanging this long again. In the meantime, here I go…

If you’re reading this, then you probably saw my Valentine’s announcement that hubs and I are expecting baby #2 in August. You all made us feel so loved with your comments and well wishes! I have SO many things I want to post about especially as it relates to second pregnancy, thoughts/feelings on baby #2, raising a toddler, etc. However, since it’s been awhile, I’ll start from the beginning and catch you up in a series of posts. Basically, we’re going to warp speed through weeks 0 – 23. Trust me, they didn’t move along quickly (especially at the beginning), but now that I’m in the second trimester, time is cruising right along!

I feel like the first question people ask when you say “I’m pregnant” is “Were you trying?”

I always find this to be so interesting/awkward. On one hand, I’m trying to decide whether you want to know all the details/if I was ovulation tracking, etc. On the other hand, do you want me to admit that I wasn’t prepared at all and this baby was a surprise? Does it matter?

I know people mean well, but I always find it to be such a personal question. I’ve never been super open about all the details when it comes to whether hubs and I were “trying” – even with my closest friends. Of course, everyone handles these things differently, but to me, it just feels like too much added pressure! I’m usually your “we’re not not trying” gal. I mean, it’s the truth. And for the record, yes, we were “trying”…but baby #2 was still a bit of a surprise. It didn’t take long to conceive with H, but I wasn’t really sure what to expect the second time around. Luckily, things happened fairly quickly this time as well. Disclaimer: I know this is not the case for everyone. Some of the strongest women I know battle(d) with infertility or miscarriages. I also know my experience isn’t necessarily “the norm”. But really, what is? Our bodies are all so different as is everyone’s journey. My sincere hope is that we all reach our eventual destination one way or another while surrounded by an amazing support system. Because, #girlpower.

Also believe me when I say I don’t take a single second of pregnancy for granted. I truly do try and embrace every side effect, ache, and pain (and try not to complain too much) because I know there are women who would happily spend their first 16 weeks (or more) of pregnancy hanging out over their toilet bowl. I am happy to report I’m no longer praying to the porcelain gods daily, but I’m not naive to the fact that it can all change in an instant. This pregnancy has been harder, and I’m sure I’ll have a few more “fun” surprises along the way.

Okay, so back to our little “surprise/not surprise” baby… I say it’s a surprise because the timing was almost unbelievable. Not that it was an unexpected surprise. I mean, when you’re “not not trying,” you do know what happens, after all 😉

So, let me explain why the timing was such a surprise (and the biggest blessing!)…

Those of you who know me personally may know that I lost both my paternal grandparents in 2017. I spent most Sundays of my childhood having lunch with them after church, celebrated most holidays, and was lucky enough to have them at all my major life events. So, losing both in one year was a lot to take in. Especially losing my grandfather on Harper’s 2nd birthday.

Talk about a gut punch.

I honestly can’t remember a time in my life where I experienced such a range of emotion in one day. We celebrated with family that afternoon, and by the evening, I received word that my grandpa has passed away peacefully in hospice. I was devastated. I remember putting my sweet girl to bed that evening and trying to hold it all together. Y’all…toddlers are intuitive. She knew something wasn’t right, and I remember her saying “it’s okay mommy” and singing one of her songs to me. It was November, and we were quickly approaching the holiday season. The first holiday season without the two people our family spent nearly every holiday with. Losing both my grandparents felt like losing all the tradition that came with the holidays would be lost, as well.

Fast forward a few weeks… I’d had some odd symptoms (things I didn’t experience before pregnant with H), and decided to take a second pregnancy test. I took one a few days before, and apparently didn’t notice the faint line denoting a positive test… note to self: should’ve splurged for the digital “pregnant/not pregnant” version! Anyway, it was early December, and I was in fact pregnant. So, I did the math…

My due date (August 18) is exactly 40 weeks from Harper’s November 11th birthday. Try to tell me that isn’t some higher power. I dare you.

Someone knew my heart needed this at this exact moment in my life. And who am I to argue? Was I surprised? Yes. Was I really surprised? No. Call me cliché but I truly do believe things happen for a reason. And, this is one of them.

While I now know S2’s gender (future post, promise!) I immediately decided upon the first piece of decor for this little one’s nursery – this print from Lux + Me Prints on Etsy. By the way, you should totally check Jill’s work out. Minimalistic, affordable, and perfect for all seasons of life…

Now that I’m 23 weeks and moving right along, I’ve had the chance to experience all the emotions. Trust me when I say ALL of them. But, the one I feel the most?

Humbled.

If for no other reason than for once in my life, I couldn’t control everything. And, things just happened as they were going to happen. Do I wish I didn’t have to remember one of the saddest and happiest days of my life on the same day for the rest of my life? Of course. But, maybe someone out there wanted me to remember something else about that day as well. So, I hold onto this little one’s due date and remind myself that sometimes things happen almost too perfectly. Sometimes it’s okay to not be in control, because the universe may know better than you.

Anyway, I think that’s the season of life I’m currently in. Learning to accept that I can’t control everything. Especially when it comes to that sweet (sometimes a bit too sassy) girl living under my roof. But, maybe not being in control isn’t such a bad thing after all…

Hang with me as I share this season of my life with you.

xo, Crystal

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